Reading Victoria Sweet, M.D.’s new book SLOW MEDICINE The Way to Healing https://www.victoriasweet.com/ and watching/listening to Carole King (“A Conversation with Carole King” – Veteran journalist Mike Barnicle talks to Ms. King about her memoir A NATURAL  WOMAN at John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum on April 12, 2012) https://www.jfklibrary.org/events-and-awards/forums/2012-04-12-a-conversation-with-carole-king motivated my completing Part 2 of Author Teresa Jade LeYung’s New Monologue “What The Man In 17-B Wanted”

In my blog post http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/blog-post-3-of-3-papa-makes-decision-while-in-nursing-home-again-by-teresa-jade-leyung/  my father was coping with his circumstances – as a reluctant resident at a nursing home.

This is what happened in November and December 2018.

Remember that piece of paper that I needed to fill out for the nursing home staff? The one about naming a mortuary.  Every resident must fill out that form http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/author-teresa-jade-leyungs-new-monologue-what-the-man-in-17-b-wanted-part-1/

Well, there is another form to deal with – “Notice to Terminate Lease” -  the agreement between my father and the apartment building property management – that a tenant must give up his lease after six months of absence and vacate his apartment.

I waited for a “good” day to show this second document to my father.  Only his signature would be accepted by the property manager.  That day, Papa appeared to be cheerful, the sun was shining. I said to him: “Papa, remember you went to the hospital in July? You’re safe here with nurses and CNAs who care about you. Your Social Security money is paying for you to be here. There is no money to pay for your apartment too. Also, the lease says that you have to give up the apartment by end of December. I will help you. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything. You just have to sign this paper.  Okay?”

He signed.  I don’t know what happened after I said “Goodnight” to him. He probably cried when no one was watching.

What I didn’t have the heart to tell him was that every object which represented his life had to go away – to a storage unit , to a recycling center, or to the dump. If not for my brother’s first wife and four other precious friends, I wouldn’t have been strong enough to take on this job.

What irony for a writer – I (narrator) wanted to give my father (protagonist) what he wanted (to be able to return to the place he called “home”) but he was a fall risk and could no longer live alone.  Because he was relying on me to be his advocate, and,  because he didn’t get what he wanted most, he probably viewed me as an obstacle as well.

Like the son in the movie Garbo Speaks (written by Larry Grusin), I was the daughter who was worn out chasing after something that seemed impossible to obtain.

Back to that first piece of paper that I needed to fill out for the nursing home staff.

I need to do the right thing when Papa dies. Mrs. Chu, the oldest resident at the nursing home, is 107! My father is only 85. He has a long way to go.

Does my father want to be buried or cremated? He won’t talk about illness, certainly not about funeral.  I cannot read his mind.

Thanks to Dr. Amy Grace Lam who said to me “Teresa, you will get your answer not by asking your father but by finding the right person to ask your father.”

The right person would be someone who speaks fluent Cantonese and is the archetype to ask such a question.

On the day when all three Cantonese-speaking team members (nurse, social worker, chaplain) showed up at the nursing home to meet my father and me, Amy Grace Lam’s words replayed in my head.

I showed Chaplain Yuen the piece of paper  and told him: “I want to honor my father’s body and need to know what he wants.”

I did not need to explain any further; the chaplain nodded, and took the paper from my hand.

While he was chatting with my father, I stepped aside to talk to the nurse and social worker.

Fifteen minutes later, I hear Chaplain Yuen telling my father that he would visit again.  As though a director was in the room and we were all rehearsing a scene, a CNA comes into the room to distract my father. The chaplain says to me: “Your father wants burial, not cremation.”  The social worker tells me that she’ll get me a list of mortuaries which will include those catering to families of Chinese heritage.

I got what I wanted – the answer to my question. What more can a daughter ask for.

photo by Teresa Jade LeYung 2018 November 20

I wish you, dear Reader, excellent health.

For other posts in my blog, please go to: https://lovemadeofheart.com/blog

If you’re looking for my blog posts pertaining to our Beautiful Brains and Neuroplasticity… https://lovemadeofheart.com/blog  look at right side of screen, you’ll see the category “Beautiful Brains Neuroplasticity”.  Please click on that category to get those posts.

Sincerely,

Teresa Jade LeYung

Teresa Jade LeYung - photo by Sharon Leong 2019 May 10

As a story theme consultant, award-winning writer, and platform-building coach for pre-published and published authors, Writing Coach TERESA JADE LEYUNG empowers her clients to identify their core themes in their manuscripts and career mapping.
http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog

TERESA JADE LEYUNG (formerly Teresa LeYung-Ryan) is the author of:

Love Made Of Heart

Build Your Writer’s Platform & Fanbase In 22 Days: Attract Agents, Editors, Publishers, Readers, and Media Attention NOW

Talking to My Dead Mom monologues

“What The Man In 17-B Wanted”  Part 1

When my papa was admitted to the nursing home, the folks in Social Services asked me to complete a half-inch-thick packet. A lot of it was reading material. There was this sheet of paper asking for name of mortuary.

Why? In straight language, when a resident “expires” (dies), the nursing home must remove “the remains” (the dead body) out of the facilities within four hours of death.

Since there are three residents in a room, you just can’t leave a deceased person in his bed as though he were in a private home.

I remember the night when my papa called me, to tell me that his roommate died, that he was afraid to sleep in the room and wanted me to go over there and take him to a hotel. I explained that he himself is a fall risk, I couldn’t just put him in a taxi and send him to a hotel. I suggested that he stay near the nurse’s station. Later that evening when I called his nurse, she said that he was in the hallway, fell asleep in his wheelchair. Later after his deceased roommate had been taken away, his CNA helped him back to bed.

Back to this sheet of paper … If this document isn’t filled out, then, at time of death, the dead body would be transported to the mortuary that the nursing home has a contract with. If that mortuary is not the one that the deceased or the deceased’s representative wanted, then, the representative would have to pay the “transfer” cost (moving dead body from first mortuary to second mortuary) in addition to the transport cost (the original ride from nursing home to the first mortuary).

The dollar amount of the transportation cost would come close to about 50 taxi rides to go half-way across town in San Francisco; double that if a “transfer” fee is incurred.

Every three or four months, the kindhearted staff would remind me about “that” sheet of paper.

Truthfully, I would like to know what my father wants. Does he want to be cremated or buried?  I can’t ask him.  The look on his face – when I dare to utter any word related to the subject of death – says: “Aah, daughter, so, that is why you are leaving me here.”

Most days, I say to myself: He’s so afraid of dying, he’ll be around another 15 years. I’ll probably die before he does.

[ Separate matter – regarding “Arbitration Agreement”  Thanks to two friends and the honesty of a staff member at the nursing home who spoke frankly…”If you don’t want to sign this…just write ‘decline to sign’ and date it.” http://www.canhr.org/arbitration/index.html  California Advocates for Nursing Home Reform (CANHR) says: “Don’t sign Arbitration Agreements in nursing homes and residential care facilities” ]

Sincerely,

Teresa_Jade_LeYung_in_Paris_photo_by_Sasa_or_Nan

Teresa Jade LeYung

an alumna of A Place of Her Own 2018

Teresa Jade LeYung of Love Made Of Heart says: “When I’m in Paris, I know I have come home.”

As an award-winning author,  theme consultant and writing coach, Teresa empowers writers to transform their dearest dreams into reality.

For other posts in my blog, please go to: https://lovemadeofheart.com/blog

If you’re looking for my blog posts pertaining to our Beautiful Brains and Neuroplasticity… https://lovemadeofheart.com/blog  look at right side of screen, you’ll see the category “Beautiful Brains Neuroplasticity”.  Please click on that category to get those posts.