Teresa Jade LeYung's BLOG

Posts Tagged ‘Carol Schaefer’

Blog post #616

2022 October 1, California;  October 3, 22:22

I, Teresa Jade LeYung (formerly Teresa LeYung Ryan), celebrate the 20th anniversary of my mother-daughter novel LOVE MADE OF HEART.

This is just the first of a series of Thank You as I continue celebrating LOVE MADE OF HEART and the kindhearted souls (teachers, librarians, booksellers, media folks, community leaders, friends and colleagues, mentors, readers and more readers) who have helped me speak up about:

– honoring courageous immigrants 

– inspiring adult children of mentally ill parents to speak openly about the stigmas

– helping survivors of family violence find their own voices

– speaking from the heart

What does “love made of heart” mean?

In the Chinese written language … the word “heart” is inside the words “grace,” “forgiveness,” “perseverance,” “compassion.”

The word “heart” is inside the word “love”…   one of the themes in my mother-daughter novel.

I shall dedicate the entire month of October to thank everyone who has helped me delivered my first novel into the world and all the readers. Many people have helped me but have never broadcast their kindness; I don’t know who they are; I thank everyone from my heart.

then Teresa LeYung Ryan, co-presenter with Elisa Sasa Southard and Kathi Kamen Goldmark at San Francisco Writers Conference - photo by Cheri Eplin 2004

Love Made of Heart: a Daughter, a Mother, a Journey Through Mental Illness
http://www.lovemadeofheart.com/Love-Made-of-Heart-a-Daughter,-a-Mother,-a-Journey-Through-Mental-Illness.html

I begin my thanks to:

My mother and all family members, and, the characters (Ruby Lin, Vivien Lin, Mrs. Nussbaum, Dr. Thatcher) who inspired my story.

The teachers who taught the 10-week course “Writing Children’s Literature” where I met critique group members Evelyn Miche, Cat (before she moved to Maine), Theresa Stephenson, Olga Malyj (who joined us for a few months).

To Kim McMillon who believed in me … way back when, long before I started writing. Dr. Kim McMillon, poet, activist, with over twenty years of experience producing theatre, is now an author and Black Arts Movement historian.

Everyone who orchestrated the 1997 Jack London Writers’ Conference, members at the California Writers Club and the Women’s National Book Association.

Everyone at East Bay Regional Park District (EBRPD) where I had a full-time job at headquarters; to my boss at the time – Robert Doyle – who said “yes” to my request for a 6-week leave-of-absence to complete one last rewrite of my manuscript.

Susan Canale (at EBRPD), Luisa Adams (author), Martha Alderson (author) for reading my last rewrite and giving criticism and praise.

Everyone at Regional Parks Botanic Garden when I got a transfer to a part-time position, especially my boss Steve Edward, Ph.D.

To my then spouse Lyle Ryan for supporting my decision to take a part-time position.

To literary super agent Stacey Glick (now VP at Dystel, Goderich & Bourret LLC) who said that my manuscript LOVE MADE OF HEART was the gem she had rescued from the slush pile.

To acquisition editor/director John Scognamiglio, president Steven Zacharius, publisher Laurie Perkin, art director Louis Malcangi, and everyone at Kensington Publishing Corp. in New York

To artist Linda Christensen for giving me a lovely author-photo.

To my sister (author Maria Kawah Leung) and all my friends who gave me courage to NOT hide behind the book.

To everyone who has “pitched” me to folks at their favorite libraries, book stores, groups, clubs, organizations, radio, TV, online programs … so that I could deliver the messages the themes in my book Love Made of Heart.

Thank you, Maria, for making Love Made of Heart birdhouse wind-chime.

Thank you, Claire Lomax, for handcrafting bookmarks that had my book cover and book spine on them.

Thank you, artist Chandra Garsson, for painting your rendition of the book cover onto my bookcase – one of my most cherished treasures. (attention-grabbing book cover that Louis Malcangi at Kensington Publishing Corp in New York had created)

Thank you, dear California Writers Club fellow-member, for gifting me your gorgeous Chinese robe which I have worn to many book events.

Thank you to all California Writers’ Club members!

Thank you to all Women’s National Book Association members!

Thank you, Elisa Sasa Southard, for teaching me how to create talking-points and talking-taglines, attention-grabbing press releases, memorable bios, and, how to have fun in the crazy world of book promoting!

More thanks to Elisa Sasa Southard, Margie Yee Webb, Luisa Adams, Martha Alderson, Angie Choi, Linda Joy Myers, Mary E. Knippel, Lynn Scott, and all the other talented and kindhearted authors who have co-presented with me since 2000.

Thank you, everyone, for reading and also buying Love Made of Heart for your friends, and, inviting your friends to my events, and for going to my events more than once.

Thank you, everyone, for writing reviews.

Thank you to the teachers / educators, including Professors Victor Turks, Miriam Queen, Patricia Costello, Dan Haytin, Sheryl Fairchild and their delightful students.

Thank you to each reader!

Publisher’s description of LOVE MADE OF HEART

The Chinese word for ‘love’ is made up of many brush strokes. In the center of the word ‘love’ is the word ‘heart.’ Love is made of heart…” Twenty-seven-year-old Ruby Lin has what many women envy: a beautiful apartment in one of San Francisco’s best neighborhoods, a busy social life, and a coveted position as manager of special events for the tony St. Mark Hotel. But it’s Ruby’s personal life that’s become unmanageable ever since the day her mother’s emotional breakdown forced Ruby to hospitalize her, shaming the family. Now, Ruby is caught in the crossroads between two vastly different cultures–one in which she is the American girl, raised on kitschy television shows and black-and-white movies, and one in which she is known only as Daughter, the eldest, fulfiller of responsibilities. In putting together the pieces of her mother’s life, Ruby finds herself exploring the wounds of her own past. Starting with a forbidden locked tin box and the yellowing photograph inside, Ruby embarks on a startling journey of self-discovery that takes her through a family history rife with violence, betrayal and loss that reaches back through generations, from China to America, and finally to the secret pain of a mother’s sacrifice. Like the Chinese calligraphy that adorns her walls, Ruby comes to see that “life is not a straight road, ” but a language drawn with many brush strokes, where every misunderstanding must yield to the simple message of the heart. Filled with warmth and wisdom, this luminous debut novel heralds the arrival of an exciting new voice in fiction as it explores the complex bonds between mothers and daughters, the choices that divide us, and the love that brings us home.

The above is book jacket text written by author Libba Bray for Kensington Publishing Corp. New York for my novel LOVE MADE OF HEART

In my blog posts of October 1, 2013 and November 29, 2013, I said:

“Thank you to authors Frank Baldwin, Carol Schaefer, Lydia Kwa, and Gus Lee for writing lovely advance praise for my book cover. I am so grateful!”

“Special thanks to Martha Alderson, Luisa Adams, Susan Canale, Elisa Sasa Southard, Margie Yee Webb, Kim McMillon, Vicki Weiland !”

“I thank powerhouse Stacey Glick (VP at Dystel & Goderich Literary Management) who found insightful acquisition editor John Scognamiglio (at Kensington Publishing Corp. New York) who guided my mother-daughter novel Love Made of Heart to the Sales Team, good-energy publisher Laurie Perkin, president Steven Zacharius, Debbie Tobias was Sales Director, Lou Malcangi was art director, by the way . . . booksellers do judge a book by its cover, Libba Bray, who is now a New York Times bestselling author of young adult books, for book jacket copy, Jacquie Edwards for copy editing, marketing team, production team, Jessica in Sales, Michelle who was Webmaster,and EVERYONE at Kensington and their associates, especially Nancy Suib & Anne Shulenberger, and Kensington Publishing Corp.’s superstars Lydia Kwa, Jeanne Wakatsuki Houston, Mary B. Morrison, Mary Monroe, Carl Weber . . .

If not for these people, I would not have had the opportunity to experience the publishing industry from the author’s perspective . . .  which then gave me the credentials to talk about “who” really is the most qualified person to build the author’s platform and fanbase.

Author’s Note to Reader on the last page of LOVE MADE OF HEART

Thank you for letting me share Ruby Lin’s story with you.  Many readers have asked me what the characters in the novel have done for me.  My answer is this: I’ve learned that behind every face is a compelling story.

Please remember me as a writer who says YES! to compassion for mental illness and NO! to domestic violence and child abuse.

Who is Mrs. Nussbaum?  She lives in all our hearts.  Just as we have the “child within,” we also have the “wise elder within.”  May you always embrace your compelling story and allow your Mrs. Nussbaum to embrace you.

Sincerely,

Teresa LeYung Ryan (now Teresa Jade LeYung)

Happy 48th anniversary to Kensington Publishing Corp in New York!

https://www.kensingtonbooks.com/pages/about/ says:

“2022 marks Kensington Publishing Corp’s 48th year in business, and it is one of the last remaining independent U.S. publisher of hardcover, trade and mass market paperback books. From the time our very first book (Appointment in Dallas by Hugh McDonald), became a bestseller, Kensington has been known as an astute and determined David-vs.-Goliath publisher of titles in the full spectrum of categories, from fiction and romance to health and nonfiction. In addition to the close to 500 new books, the company releases through its diverse imprints per year, it has a backlist of more than 5,000 titles. Kensington is considered a leader and innovator in such areas of publishing as African-American, cozy mysteries, westerns, and of course, romance.”

Author and Writing Coach Teresa Jade LeYung--photo by author Lynn Scott

Love Made of Heart:

– a 2002 nominee of the Asian American Literary Awards

– recommended by the California School Library Association and the California Reading Association

– used in Women in Psychology, First-Year Composition college course, Advanced Composition English-as-a-Second-Language classes

– read by students at Stanford University, U.C. Berkeley, San Francisco State University, City College of San Francisco, City College of Sacramento, Lowell High School, and many other wonderful institutions

– archived at the San Francisco History Center

– available at public libraries

This is just the first of a series of Thank You as I continue celebrating LOVE MADE OF HEART and the kindhearted souls (teachers, librarians, booksellers, media folks, readers and more readers) who have helped me speak up about:

NO to domestic violence and child abuse!

YES to kindness and compassion with mental illness!

YES to speaking from the heart!

I wish everyone wellness, kindness, happiness!

Sincerely,

Teresa_Jade_LeYung__photo_by_Nan_and_MEK_2019

Teresa Jade LeYung

Story Theme Consultant / Photo Historian / Author / Public Library and Public School Advocate

http://www.OurBeautifulBrains.com goes to Teresa’s Blog

Writing Coach Teresa Jade LeYung says: “I love helping writers identify the themes in their manuscripts to hook readers, and, build and fortify their platforms before and after publication. Reach out, not stress out.”

Love Made Of Heart ®

“Coach Teresa, what should I do before hiring an editor?”

Look at Your Manuscript with an Editor’s Lens

By Teresa LeYung Ryan

Writing Career Coach; Manuscript Consultant; Author

Since writing a story with the intent to engage the reader is so much like meeting a stranger and wanting him/her to be interested in you, you’d want to hook the reader’s attention in the first quarter of your story (starting with the first page, oftentimes with the first line).

I love working with diligent writers who want to transform their manuscripts into page-turners. However, there are things you can do before you give your work to an editor. Let me show you how you can help yourself.

The big four elements to look for in your manuscript:

• Planting hook(s) or story-question(s);
• Grounding the reader with the three Ws (Who? When? Where?);
• Showing (not telling) what the protagonist wants;
• Paying attention to language and rules

Let’s learn from the pros.

Planting Hook or Story-Question:

In The Woman Warrior: Memoirs of a Girlhood Among Ghosts, Maxine Hong Kingston hooks us with the first line: “You must not tell anyone,” my mother said, “what I am about to tell you…” Then, Ms. Kingston transitions into her story with: “Whenever she had to warn us about life, my mother told stories that ran like this one . . .”

Grounding the Reader with the Three Ws:

In Woven of Water, while the story timeline spans from 1957 to 2005, Californian author Luisa Adams brilliantly shows us who she was as a girl (not with a year-by-year narrative, but with a single exquisite chapter). Because she grounded us with “who, when, where,” we eagerly follow as she (the middle-aged woman) takes us into her enchanted world of a “cottage in the forest.”

Showing What the Protagonist Wants:

In The Other Mother, young Carol Schaefer wants to ask questions: “Was there any way to keep my baby? Was there anyone who would help me find a way to do that?”

Elizabeth Gilbert hooks us with “I wish Giovanni would kiss me…” in her memoir Eat, Pray, Love. Simple as that.  She’ll have other desires as her story moves forward, but, right there on page 1, she’s clear about what she wants.

In Love Made of Heart, protagonist Ruby Lin is thinking: What have I done?  I watch the uniformed police officers escort my mother from my apartment.

Paying Attention to Language and Rules:

Read the first five pages of Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt and you will see how this wordsmith plays with language and rules. (You can “bend” the rules to create flow, but you must not ignore the rules.)

Are you saying: “Coach Teresa, that’s my style–I don’t like to use commas all that much. You might see typos but that’s your job right to correct them? I write like I talk. Okay.”

I say: “Read your manuscript out loud.  Do you really talk like that?  If you hear yourself pausing in a sentence, that’s probably where you’d put a comma. You are a writer; use correct spelling.  Do use vernacular that is indicative of your story-world; however, will your reader hear the differences in speech patterns in your characters OR will they hear just one voice in all the characters?”

Sentences Deserve Your Attention:

Remember Groucho Marx’s line “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas…”? That sentence got a lot of laughs. But, what if you didn’t want to be funny (ambiguous in this case)? Watch out for those misplaced modifiers.

How would you rewrite these poorly constructed sentences?

• He likes to fish near the Farallon Islands and they jump when they’re hungry at dawn or dusk.
• She insists on knowing when I come home and leave, not to be nosy, but for safety reasons.
• Being cautious as not to step on the dog’s tail, the children tip-toed away from him while sleeping.
• My husband still in bed snoring, I have always enjoyed rising before dawn and I eat my toast and drink my green tea on the terrace.

To improve your sentence structuring and other skills, I recommend these books:

• The Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr. and E.B. White
• Woe is I: Grammarphobe’s Guide to Better English in Plain English by Patricia T. O’Conner

More Advice:

• In all the stories referenced above, the authors present memorable experiences by employing authentic details, unusual story-worlds, and poetic language. You want to do the same for your story.
• Also, the stories have another vital component–all the plotlines have what Martha Alderson, author of Blockbuster Plots, Pure and Simple, calls “Cause and Effect” linked scenes. Another must-read blog: Plot Whisperer
• When you’re writing non-fiction and do not have the luxury of rearranging the sequence of events to create a page-turning plotline, you can engage the reader by using concise expositions to leap over blocks of time in order to focus on the core themes and fast-forward the story. A helpful website: Linda Joy Myer’s http://www.memoriesandmemoirs.com
• You the author must show the reader what the protagonist wants, even if the protagonist doesn’t know at first.
• We don’t have to “like” a protagonist, but, we do need to connect with him/her on an emotional level.
• Read my colleague Vicki Weiland’s “Vicki’s Four Questions” © on her blog: http://vickiweiland.wordpress.com/vickis-four-questions-%C2%A9/

In the fiercely competitive arena of the publishing world, how does one stand out in a crowd? Building relationships is one key to success in this business. Another key is to know how to translate the themes from your life to your writing and articulate those themes as community concerns. I want to see all hardworking writers realize their dreams.

My best wishes to you!

Sincerely,

Teresa LeYung Ryan

Coach Teresa edits manuscripts for authors who want to attract agents  & publishers  OR  want to be their own publishers. She specializes in contemporary novels, thrillers, children’s & YA novels, memoirs, short stories, and anthologies.

22-Day Platform-Building Coach Teresa LeYung Ryan helps authors identify their themes to hook agents' and publishers' attention.

author of Love Made of  Heart

author of Build Your Writer’s Platform & Fanbase In 22 Days

To comment on any of my columns (blog posts) or to contact me, just click on the blue title bar of the post, fill in the boxes and press “submit.”

What to do before hiring an editor for your manuscript?

My advice for narrative non-fiction writers is the same for fiction writers.

“Look at Your Manuscript with an Editor’s Lens”

by Teresa LeYung Ryan–Developmental Editor/Manuscript Consultant/Writing Career Coach

Since writing a story with the intent to engage the reader is so much like meeting a stranger and wanting him/her to be interested in us, I will focus on “how to make the first quarter of your story a compelling read.”

I love working with diligent writers who want to transform their manuscripts into page-turners. However, there are things you can do before you give your work to an editor. Let me show you how you can help yourself.

Does your manuscript pass these tests?

• Planting hook(s) or story-question(s);
• Grounding the reader with the three Ws and the big C (Who?  When?  Where? Circumstances);
• Showing (not telling) what the protagonist wants;
• Paying attention to language and rules

Let’s learn from the pros.

Planting Hook or Story-Question:

In The Woman Warrior: Memoirs of a Girlhood Among Ghosts, Maxine Hong Kingston hooks us with the first line: “You must not tell anyone,” my mother said, “what I am about to tell you…”   Then, Ms. Kingston transitions into her story with:  “Whenever she had to warn us about life, my mother told stories that ran like this one . . .”

Grounding the Reader with the Three Ws and the big C:

In Woven of Water, while the story timeline spans from 1957 to 2005, Californian author Luisa Adams brilliantly shows us who she was as a girl (not with a year-by-year narrative, but with a single exquisite chapter).  Because she grounded us with “who, when, where” and the “circumstances” as to why she had left her love affair with water, we eagerly follow as she takes us into her enchanted world of a “cottage in the forest.”  Another device to ground the reader is the employment of sensory details (not long descriptions).  Sensory details put the reader in the scene/story world.  Re-read one of your favorite author’s books. Study from the masters.

Showing What the Protagonist Wants:

In The Other Mother, young Carol Schaefer wants to ask questions:  “Was there any way to keep my baby?  Was there anyone who would help me find a way to do that?”

In Eat, Pray, Love, Elisabeth Gilbert says: I wish Giovanni would kiss me.

In Love Made of Heart, my protagonist Ruby Lin prays: Please don’t end up like Grandmother (while witnessing police officers escorting her own mother out of her apartment).

Paying Attention to Language and Rules:

Read the first five pages of Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt and you will see how this wordsmith plays with language and rules. (You can “bend” the rules to create flow, but you must not ignore them.)

In Bastard Out of Carolina, Dorothy Allison’s protagonist Bone is a girl.  Bone’s voice is convincing in dialogue and in internal monologue. Brilliant use of dialect.

Sentences Deserve Your Attention:

Remember Groucho Marx’s line “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas…”? That sentence got a lot of laughs.  But, what if you didn’t want to be funny (ambiguous in this case)?

How would you rewrite these sentences?  See the misplaced modifiers?

• He likes to fish near the Farallon Islands, they jump when they’re hungry at dawn or dusk. (the islands jump?)
• She insists on knowing when I come home and leave, not to be nosy, but for safety reasons. (who is not nosy?)
• Being cautious as not to step on the dog’s tail, the children tip-toed away from him while sleeping. (who’s sleeping?)

To improve your sentence structure and other skills, I recommend these books:

• The Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr. and E.B. White
• Woe is I: Grammarphobe’s Guide to Better English in Plain English by Patricia T. O’Conner

More Advice:

• In all the stories I referenced above, the authors present memorable experiences by employing authentic details, unusual story-worlds though real, and poetic language. You want to do the same for your story.
• Also, these stories have another vital component–all the plotlines have what Martha Alderson, author of Blockbuster Plots Pure and Simple, calls “Cause and Effect” linked scenes.  Another must-read blog:  http://plotwhisperer.blogspot.com/search?q=first+quarter
• When you’re writing non-fiction and you do not have the luxury of rearranging the sequence of events to create a page-turning plotline, you can engage the reader by using concise expositions to leap over blocks of time in order to focus on the core themes and fast-forward to the next scene.  A helpful website for memoir writers: http://www.memoriesandmemoirs.com
• You the author must show the reader what the protagonist wants, even if the protagonist doesn’t know at first.
• We don’t have to “like” a protagonist, but, we do need to connect with him/her on an emotional level. Perhaps what he/she wants is also what we want.
• Story-telling is a skill learned, practiced, and mastered. May you practice with joy.

In the fiercely competitive arena of the publishing world, how does one stand out in a crowd?  Building relationships is one key to success in this business. Another key is to know how to translate the themes from your life to your writing and articulate those themes as community concerns.  I want to see all hardworking writers realize their dreams. My best wishes to you!

To read other posts in my blog (about writing contests, publishing opportunities, more tips on platform-building), click on [ Home ] and scroll down  OR key in words in the search box to find specific posts. Example: if you key in the words: poetry anthology 2011 into my blog’s search box and click [search], you will see my post containing info about the  Las Positas College Anthology and other contests for other genres (Thank you, Poet Laureate Deborah Grossman!) To read the entire version of a post, click on the title bar of that post.

To see my website for all my books, go to:  http://writingcoachteresa.com

Reach out, not stress out!

Sincerely,

Build-Your-Writer’s-Platform Coach Teresa

Teresa LeYung Ryan–Developmental Editor/Manuscript Consultant, Writing Career Coach, Author, Publisher

Teresa specializes in editing fiction and narrative non-fiction with themes on the human condition.

She likes spunky protagonists in thrillers, women’s novels, memoirs, and children’s literature.

Love Made of Heart is:
• recommended by the California School Library Association and the California Reading Association

• read by students at Stanford University, U.C. Berkeley, CCSF, and many other colleges and high schools.

• used in Advanced Composition English-as-a-Second-Language classes
• archived at the San Francisco History Center

Teresa says: “The more you read, the more your own writing will flow.”  
Please click here for my blog’s home page  http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/

My fun workbook is now available through Amazon!

BUILD YOUR WRITER’S PLATFORM & FANBASE IN 22 DAYS: Attract Agents, Editors, Publishers, Readers, and Media Attention NOW

http://www.amazon.com/Build-Your-Writers-Platform-Fanbase/dp/0983010005/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1297630400&sr=1-1

http://lovemadeofheart.com/BUILD-YOUR-WRITER%27S-PLATFORM-&-FANBASE-IN-22-DAYS.html

What Should I Do Before I Hire an Editor to Review My Manuscript?

The question is answered by Teresa LeYung Ryan–Book Doctor/Manuscript Consultant, Career Coach, Author

Nina Amir, creator of Write Nonfiction in November http://writenonfictioninnovember.com/ had invited me to be her guest-blogger in 2008, to help answer that question.  My advice for narrative non-fiction writers is the same for fiction writers.

“How to Look at Your Manuscript with an Editor’s Lens”

Since writing a story with the intent to engage the reader is so much like meeting a stranger and wanting him/her to be interested in you, I will focus on how to make the first quarter of your story a compelling read.

I love working with diligent writers who want to transform their manuscripts into page-turners. However, there are things you can do before you give your work to an editor. Let me show you how you can help yourself.

As an editor, the four biggest mistakes I encounter are manuscripts that are weak in these elements:

• Planting hook(s) or story-question(s);
• Grounding the reader with the three Ws (Who?  When?  Where?);
• Showing (not telling) what the protagonist wants;
• Paying attention to language and rules

Let’s learn from the pros.

Planting Hook or Story-Question:

In The Woman Warrior: Memoirs of a Girlhood Among Ghosts, Maxine Hong Kingston hooks us with the first line: “You must not tell anyone,” my mother said, “what I am about to tell you…”   Then, Ms. Kingston transitions into her story with:  “Whenever she had to warn us about life, my mother told stories that ran like this one . . .”

Grounding the Reader with the Three Ws:

In Woven of Water, while the story timeline spans from 1957 to 2005, Californian author Luisa Adams brilliantly shows us who she was as a girl (not with a year-by-year narrative, but with a single exquisite chapter).  Because she grounded us with “who, when, where,” we eagerly follow as she takes us into her enchanted world of a “cottage in the forest.”  Another device to ground the reader is the employment of sensory details (not long descriptions).  Sensory details put the reader in the scene/story world.  Re-read one of your favorite author’s books. Study from the masters.

Showing What the Protagonist Wants:

In The Other Mother, young Carol Schaefer wants to ask questions:  “Was there any way to keep my baby?  Was there anyone who would help me find a way to do that?”

Paying Attention to Language and Rules:

Read the first five pages of Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt and you will see how this wordsmith plays with language and rules. (You can “bend” the rules to create flow, but you must not ignore them.)

Sentences Deserve Your Attention:

Nina Amir’s post on her blog  http://writenonfictioninnovember.wordpress.com/2007/11/ is a must-read.

Remember Groucho Marx’s line “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas…”? That sentence got a lot of laughs.  But, what if you didn’t want to be funny (ambiguous in this case)?

How would you rewrite these poorly constructed sentences?

• He likes to fish near the Farallon Islands and they jump when they’re hungry at dawn or dusk.
• She insists on knowing when I come home and leave, not to be nosy, but for safety reasons.
• Being cautious as not to step on the dog’s tail, the children tip-toed away from him while sleeping.
• My husband still in bed snoring, I have always enjoyed rising before dawn and I eat my toast and drink my green tea on the terrace.

To improve your sentence structure and other skills, I recommend these books:

• The Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr. and E.B. White
• Woe is I: Grammarphobe’s Guide to Better English in Plain English by Patricia T. O’Conner

More Advice:

• In all four stories (The Woman Warrior, Woven of Water, The Other Mother, Angela’s Ashes), the authors present memorable experiences by employing authentic details, unusual story-worlds though real, and poetic language. You want to do the same for your story.
• Also, these stories have another vital component-all four plotlines have what Martha Alderson, author of Blockbuster Plots, Pure and Simple, calls “Cause and Effect” linked scenes.  Another must-read blog:  http://plotwhisperer.blogspot.com/search?q=first+quarter
• When you’re writing non-fiction and do not have the luxury of rearranging the sequence of events to create a page-turning plotline, you can engage the reader by using concise expositions to leap over blocks of time in order to focus on the core themes and fast-forward the story. A helpful website: http://www.memoriesandmemoirs.com
• You the author must show the reader what the protagonist wants, even if the protagonist doesn’t know at first.
• We don’t have to “like” a protagonist, but, we do need to connect with him/her on an emotional level.

In the fiercely competitive arena of the publishing world, how does one stand out in a crowd?  Building relationships is one key to success in this business. Another key is to know how to translate the themes from your life to your writing and articulate those themes as community concerns.  I want to see all hardworking writers realize their dreams. My best wishes to you!

Do you know a writer who wants to go to a writers’ conference but can’t afford it? Encourage her/him to ask family and friends to chip in (what better Christmas gift or birthday gift!).

For non-fiction authors: Writing for Change Conference http://www.sfwritingforchange.org/

For both fiction and non-fiction authors:  San Francisco Writers Conference http://sfwriters.org

Sincerely,

Teresa LeYung Ryan

Book Doctor/Manuscript Consultant, Career Coach, Author, Publisher

Coach Teresa edits manuscripts for authors who want to attract agents  & publishers  OR  want to be their own publishers. She specializes in contemporary novels, thrillers, children’s & YA novels, memoirs, short stories, and anthologies. She likes spunky protagonists.

Love Made of Heart is:
• recommended by the California School Library Association and the California Reading Association

• read by students at Stanford University, U.C. Berkeley, CCSF, and many other colleges and high schools.

• used in Advanced Composition English-as-a-Second-Language classes
• archived at the San Francisco History Center

GraceArt Publishing is the publisher of Build My Name, Beat the Game: 22 Days to Identify & Develop My Writer’s Platform to Attract Agents, Acquisition Editors, Publishers, Readers, and Media Attention.

Teresa says: “Reach out, not stress out, when building your writer’s name/platform.”  

To comment on any of my columns (blog posts), just click on the blue title bar of the post, fill in the boxes and press “submit.”  Please click here for my blog http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/